When your depression has reached a stage where you started hearing voices in your head trying to convince you that the only way out of your pain is to end your life, you must seriously start to question if those voices are from you or from ‘something’ else.
If one day, the voices harass and haunt you till you cannot take it anymore and you decide to kill yourself or others to end your suffering, you may have just allowed yourself to be manipulated by an external force that you cannot see. This force would leave you the moment you hands leave the railings and you are jumping down to your death.
A retired policeman who had seen his share of suicide cases by jumping down a bridge said survivors always say that the moment their hands leave the railings, they regret and know they had made the biggest mistakes of their lives. Here is a story from Kevin Hines who survived from the jump from the Golden Gate bridge and lived to tell his story:
Back to the post….could it possibly be that at the point as the person’s hand leave the railing and the person is going for a freefall or the hand had pressed the trigger of the gun, the spirit leaves the body of the person. It leaves the person to deal with the extreme fear and regret. I remember reading cases of people screaming “I don’t wanna die” as their body is freefalling from a high building in a suicide.
My personal experience
There was a period that I got into what I felt was depression. I was very sad about a loss, unable to cope with my emotions and wallowed in my grief and sadness till it gradually spiraled out of control.
The feeling of perceptual sadness almost never left me. I was fortunate that I had a bunch of supportive friends. In that era, depression is not common knowledge as it is today. I was still schooling but was in another state away from my family. Therefore, I had to attend classes and do assignments so there was no way for me to avoid my friends. I did talk to my friends but all they could do was only listened and offered some ‘helpful’ advice that were not helpful at all even they had the best of intentions. With time, I felt no one understood my perpetual feelings of despair.
But in the times where my sadness would get overwhelming, I would just go out as it is nearing sun down. I would go to depressing places and just sit down there. For example, I would just take a bus to the general hospital, the old building (more than 50 years old then) with lots of sad energy and just sat there at the waiting area. It is the kind of building that is dim and no matter how much lighting is being used, the place is still dim. I felt energy in the old hospital, as well as around old buildings seemed to resonate with what I was feeling. I felt that when I am at those places, I sense sad energies but they seemed to comfort my heart.
I would also listen to songs and hold on to reminders that reminded me of the past. Sadness that causes me to cry uncontrollably, a feeling of helplessness would overwhelm me. I remember these feelings tend to get worse…..like I would be crying on my bed as the sun was setting on Thursdays.
Eventually I moved and stay in an apartment on the 8th floor. Things did not get better. I was compelled to play those sad wailing songs and to replay the sad memories in my mind again and again.
But with them, eventually the apparently sympathetic feelings turned more sinister.
One evening, I remember I walked out of the balcony of the 8th floor of apartment that I am staying in. I looked down and distinctively heard a voice saying that since I am so sad, there is only one way to end the pain and it is to jump down to end the pain. And I actually felt an attractive pull towards the ground from the balcony and the voice instigating, ‘jump, jump, dear and your pain will be all over’.
Shocked I stepped back. Fortunately, I have a fear of heights so if even if I had wanted to kill myself I would not do it by jumping down. But that experience sort of jolted me awake… because I knew the voice was not from me! It was a voice of another being!
Why was it that it got to the stage where I was hearing this voice? Well it was because I had allowed myself to weaken. Going to dark damp depressing places that had these entities hanging around and possibly attaching themselves, allowing my mind to weaken through giving in to the urge to listen to certain songs to be reminded again and again of the memories. Allowing my energy to weaken that anything was able to infringe into my consciousness and plant depressive thoughts.
From there, something in me snapped. Anger arose both in myself and also directed externally at whatever that was instigating me to end my life. How could I allow myself to reach that stage?
Slowly, I crawled out of my own spiral of depressive thoughts. As I am a Buddhist, I started reading Buddhist books. I started attending meditation classes that was held on each Sunday morning. After about few months of practice, one day, I felt my awareness very strong in my body. There was light within and the depressive mood just went off suddenly.
Our downward spiraling depression may not be entirely our own doing, but we still have a part to play in it
When we feel down or negative, there is a tendency to just dwell in that emotion, wallow in that deep sadness. Slowly, the feelings of sadness became more and more.
We also tend to favour environment that is dark- like drawing all the curtains and binds in our room and sleep all the time. Due to the sadness and constant dwelling, our body becomes fatigued and it is not unusual to develop chronic fatigue syndrome. At this stage, our psychic protection thins out and there would be vulnerabilities in our aura and life force energy.
Negative entities are drawn to such individuals because by then the mind of the person is weakened. It would get easier and easier to influence such individuals, especially if they choose to numb their inner pain through use of drugs and alcohol that knocks out their senses and leaving them vulnerable to ‘invasion’ and also possession.
Because of a weakening awareness and mindfulness, the negative force would have an increasingly stronger grip on your consciousness. So much so that you cease to be able to tell the difference of whether the thought had originated from you or was it a ‘planted thought’.
With time, this external force gradually merges with your consciousness and would be able to command you to do certain actions. It can ride on your dominant negative emotions. For example when you have a lot of anger, it can, with time plant thoughts for you to go out and kill and torture people. If you are by nature a good person, it may not be able to influence you to go out and hurt others but it can gradually plant thoughts in your mind that ‘I am worthless and therefore I should just die and be rid of myself to be a burden to others‘. Till these thoughts become so strong and firm that you are convinced the truth in them.
And the saddest part is once you give in to this suggestions, you are just going to end your life and die for nothing. Ask yourself…. it is worth it…. to listen to some lost soul or ghost tell you what to do?
The way to get yourself better is to learn to increase your awareness. For a start, stay away from negativity in the media- no scary, horror, pornography, serial killer movies/ videos. Or any drama series where the characters are portraying someone that you desperately wish to be. Because of this stage, you may be tempted to immerse yourself in these stories to console yourself. When you spend hours and days immersed in media or substance abuse, you started to numb yourself and lose your inherent awareness. You would be in that constant semi awake or drunken senses state that eventually made you lose the ability to differentiate what is real and what is not.
In order to be able to succeed doing this, you need to have something to do to to avoid being sucked back into the habit. Go out for a walk, identify a hobby and maybe take classes on them, attend motivational talks or join a spiritual or religious group that you have affinity towards. If there are people in your life who you could speak to, try to open up to them and ask for help.
Whatever you do, don’t let yourself give in to those negative invasive thoughts. By yourself without any influence, I would think it is very highly unlikely that what started off as feelings of sadness and grief would spiral out of control into depressive thoughts that may lead to suicide. It is never worthwhile to die just because someone else ask you to do so. I am not sure for you, but for me, it invoke the fighter in me not to give in.
I would leave this post with some further sources that you can research further on this phenomena as explained by Hans Wihelm. To me, the video gives a clear idea on how it happened:
- What is spirit influence, attachment, over-cloaking & possession? – YouTube video by Divine Truth FAQ
- Meet Nancy Lynne Harris, the Author Who Wants To Heal Alcoholism, Mental Illness & Drug Addiction– in this interview she talked about how she discovered there was entities in her after 8 years of conventional treatment for depression after the death of her son
- How do Negative Energies (Ghosts, Demons) Influence Our Thoughts? by SSRF (Spiritual Science Research Foundation)
- Overcoming depression caused by ghost possession by SSRF (Spiritual Science Research Foundation)